It's Okay to Be Angry

Hi there,
It's me again, the teacher sitting at home on the couch, watching the news as our world is ever changing.  It's a Sunday afternoon where usually I'm cooking my chili or some recipe for the week, trying to stay healthy, writing my lesson plans, or maybe writing a paper for my administration class at Longwood.  Instead, I sit here contemplating life...wondering if my summer will even exist in the near future.

I have to say, "I'm angry!"  I am mad. I have gotten up the past two mornings pissed off at the world, and literally fussing at either Matthew or John as they get in my way in the kitchen. You'd think a teacher given a break from school would be happy and ecstatic? Nope, not this teacher. I keep interacting with my students via Schoology, Twitter, or Instagram, but it's not nearly the same.  I was thinking this would pass, and we'd be back to routine in a more timely fashion. Evidently this Coronavirus has another idea.

The day of lockdown

My mother, who has Alzheimer's is now on lockdown in a nursing home where I can't see her. The staff is wonderful, sending me pictures and calling me with updates every few days, but it's not the same.  Despite quarantine, I needed an escape yesterday. I filled the Toyota up with gas and made a visit to the drive thru at Chick-Fil-A.  On a given Saturday, the line is hard to maneuver just to place an order.  I rolled right on in, gave my order, and was out in five minutes. You know why I was sad? Because on those Saturdays that I visit Chick-Fil-A, I head straight to see my momma and talk. We have fun chats about random stuff.  Albeit my visits can be only 30 minutes, and she may never remember me being there, it's important. She put 26 years of her life (yes, I lived at home while finishing my graduate degree and saved money until I could buy my own house), into MY LIFE.  It is my time to give back.

And driving home, I cried...big, fat ugly tears, and sobs where you can't catch your breath.  You know, the sobs like you had as a child when you lost your favorite blanket?  I cried over missing Daddy. I cried wondering if I'd ever see my Mom again. Will she stay safe? Will she make it through this mess?  Will I get to laugh at her again using "expletives" inappropriately at people in the nursing home? (She is quite hilarious). Will we see our summer vacation I saved for at the beach?  Am I still going to get to adopt the kitten we want to replace the missing part of our hearts since Fluffy died? Will I finish my admin degree on time?

Mom's pic

But then again, I took time to pray.  I said the Lord's Prayer, and tried to look at the brighter side of things.  I have time to write...which I'm doing now.  I can cook more with Matthew's help, as long as I can get to the store to get supplies.  I have gotten to play with my DSLR camera, and been on many park outings with Matthew. He is a better photographer than his mother...and by far, my daddy would be so proud.  (See Dad...he inherited the photography gene too!)

Matthew's pic

We will get through this. In the book of Job, it says, "Agree with God, and be at peace. Receive instruction from his mouth, and lay up his words in your heart."  In other words, your faith will grant you peace.  Mind you, I haven't been to church in a while...and I truly don't believe you have to attend church to be a good person with a giving heart.  Practice what you preach....be the good person...help those in need and pray for our country.

Pray for those sweet babies that I first taught at Goochland Middle School....sixth graders with the world in front of them, and now they won't get to celebrate who THEY ARE!  Parents, grandparents, and teachers are going to miss out on that special moment. Weddings are being missed, funerals postponed, baby showers, parties, and life moments that we are all sad to not participate in.  But we are ALIVE! Celebrate that and love each other with all your might...for many of us it is from afar, but still love in prayer, and in God. May you all stay healthy and blessed in these next few months.